Father's Day...

So it seems like whenever Father's Day comes around I feel this emptiness come over me. It's not a sorrow or sadness, but I think the best way to describe it is a void. It's like something there is missing. And I think that thing is the actual physicality of knowing what a dad is like.

Now I know that I have a Father in heaven, and I believe totally with my heart that He has filled this void in my heart, but there is something missing that I can not explain. To refer to God as my Father is one thing, but to know how a father feels, how a father interacts, how a father comforts is a different feeling in which I have not experienced physically. Spiritually I feel it, physically I don't.

I don't know what it feels like to have that strong pat on the back when something was done right, or to have the scornful/deep voice to correct me when I was wrong. I don't know what it is like to be embraced with strong arms and to burrow my head in a broad shoulder when times were difficult and sadness overcame my world. I don't know what it is like to go fishing, or camping or throw the baseball or play basketball with a father. I don't know any of these things because I have never experienced them.

And growing up with a single mother, I would not change it for the world. It has made me the man that I am today, but when this holiday comes around it's a void that just yearns for those things. I know that my Father in heaven is there for me and will continually show me those things, but in the times when a physical touch is needed, it cannot be found.

Sometimes I want to have a pity party for myself....but what good does that do for anyone. Just suck it up and deal with it, that is what I tell myself. And yeah it sucks, but when I get to become the father I dream of, I will know the things that my children need from a dad...at least I hope that I do.