So for some reason...I've been in a slump. And I can't quite figure out what it is. Part of me knows, and the other part doesn't. I find myself contemplating some of the most ridiculous things but then disregarding probably some of the more important ones. I would like to think that I have gotten everything back in control but I am not quite sure.
Deep down I know that there is this longing to find that one. And there are a few girls that I know that I can see being the perfect ones. But I talk myself out of it. Why? They are awesome girls but somehow I over analyze and just don't listen to God. Well I listen to God but have a hard time discerning His voice with my own. Why do I keep getting the same feelings even when I try to disregard them? Maybe that is a sign that I shouldn't put this off...maybe I should pursue. I don't know.
Part of me feels like I need to move and get away from everything that is normal and comfortable to me. I would love to move to London...get a fresh start and be able to truly get a gauge of who I am. What is my faith really depending on? I love community, would I be able to make it elsewhere? Why is there this longing to be gone and away from everything I know and love? Why do I get so excited about it and feel very little remorse about even thinking of moving away? Would I miss people...yeah I would.
I guess the biggest question is why do I not just go ahead and do it?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Broad Spectrum of Christianity
I'm not afraid to admit it. In fact I say it proudly. I am ashamed sometimes to be called a Christian. Now I know what some of you are saying and let me explain this before people start jumping down my throat.
If you look at all the people out there that call themselves "Christians" you get such a broad spectrum of people who don't even follow what Christ taught, or misconstrue His teachings. Allow me to give a few examples.
Some Christians out there seem to think that religion is a once a week thing. That they go to church one day a week and that they have filled their quota for the week. That is not what Christ was about. It was a daily thing...constantly living the life. In fact, how many times was he persecuted due to "working" during the Sabbath? Hmm....a lot. Why then think that this thing called Christianity is once a week.
Another thing is that some Christians seem to think that God hates fags, queers, certain races, etc. Now I know that these churches and branches of "Christians" are extremes, but in it lies the name Christianity. Now how many times did Jesus preach about hating homosexuals, blacks, Jews, Asians, Greeks, etc. Or better yet, ask yourself what did Jesus preach about...Love. Loving God and loving your neighbor. Now the question is, who is your neighbor. Jesus gives a great example of this in Matthew 25:37-45. Basically anyone who is in need. Everyone is your neighbor...and you should love them regardless of the sin in their lives. If we were to stay in our Christian bubble how are we to reach a lost and dying world? And by waving signs in the air claiming that God hates fags (which is not true, He hates the sin) how are you winning the love of these people, how are you showing the Christ in which we live for? You really aren't...in fact you are putting such a bad name to Christians.
The last thing that I want to address are those so called Christians who find it their duty to go to funerals of soldiers to protest the war. I still don't understand this. I don't think I ever will. But how does one find the reasoning both out of respect/curteousy and the Bible. Not once did Jesus go to a funeral to protest...in fact He went some times and brought life. Look at Lazarus. But that is besides the point. I don't understand how Christians can call themselves Christians when they disrespect the proper burial that a soldier, a person who died protecting the very freedom that those protesters are deciding to abuse...is just plain disrespectful.
And so I am in the turmoil of whether to explain the battle that goes on in my life. Because though I love being called a Christ follower I don't like the connotations that Christianity brings with it. When has Christianity become a title? I would rather be known for the faith that I have towards God. That regardless of the situation, my God prevails and is made known. When Christianity begins to look like the way Christ showed it then I may not be ashamed. I am not saying that some people are not doing this already...and I am not saying that I am perfect in this either...but the truth is that Christianity is a broad spectrum, and until the majority of people can say that they see Christianity the way is supposed to be seen then I will be happy to say I am Christian. Until then I am a Christ follower with extreme faith in Christ who redeemed my soul even though i am weak and do not deserve it.
If you look at all the people out there that call themselves "Christians" you get such a broad spectrum of people who don't even follow what Christ taught, or misconstrue His teachings. Allow me to give a few examples.
Some Christians out there seem to think that religion is a once a week thing. That they go to church one day a week and that they have filled their quota for the week. That is not what Christ was about. It was a daily thing...constantly living the life. In fact, how many times was he persecuted due to "working" during the Sabbath? Hmm....a lot. Why then think that this thing called Christianity is once a week.
Another thing is that some Christians seem to think that God hates fags, queers, certain races, etc. Now I know that these churches and branches of "Christians" are extremes, but in it lies the name Christianity. Now how many times did Jesus preach about hating homosexuals, blacks, Jews, Asians, Greeks, etc. Or better yet, ask yourself what did Jesus preach about...Love. Loving God and loving your neighbor. Now the question is, who is your neighbor. Jesus gives a great example of this in Matthew 25:37-45. Basically anyone who is in need. Everyone is your neighbor...and you should love them regardless of the sin in their lives. If we were to stay in our Christian bubble how are we to reach a lost and dying world? And by waving signs in the air claiming that God hates fags (which is not true, He hates the sin) how are you winning the love of these people, how are you showing the Christ in which we live for? You really aren't...in fact you are putting such a bad name to Christians.
The last thing that I want to address are those so called Christians who find it their duty to go to funerals of soldiers to protest the war. I still don't understand this. I don't think I ever will. But how does one find the reasoning both out of respect/curteousy and the Bible. Not once did Jesus go to a funeral to protest...in fact He went some times and brought life. Look at Lazarus. But that is besides the point. I don't understand how Christians can call themselves Christians when they disrespect the proper burial that a soldier, a person who died protecting the very freedom that those protesters are deciding to abuse...is just plain disrespectful.
And so I am in the turmoil of whether to explain the battle that goes on in my life. Because though I love being called a Christ follower I don't like the connotations that Christianity brings with it. When has Christianity become a title? I would rather be known for the faith that I have towards God. That regardless of the situation, my God prevails and is made known. When Christianity begins to look like the way Christ showed it then I may not be ashamed. I am not saying that some people are not doing this already...and I am not saying that I am perfect in this either...but the truth is that Christianity is a broad spectrum, and until the majority of people can say that they see Christianity the way is supposed to be seen then I will be happy to say I am Christian. Until then I am a Christ follower with extreme faith in Christ who redeemed my soul even though i am weak and do not deserve it.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Bored in a hotel room
So I am in the hotel room in Vincennes Indiana...not fun. Work has started again and I am can't help but feel that this week is going to go by fast.
The people next door have their tv on loudly, and people keep slamming their doors. Thankfully I have my iPod and can listen to the great Mark Moore slam some Acts into my brain.
I am about to log off of the computer, woops I mean Mac, and go read his study on Revelations. I am really excited about this book. Hopefully it will get my brain thinking again and allow me to actually be intelligent again. Or maybe I just say that because right now my brain is dead and I am can not think of anything witty to say. Oh well.
On a lighter note, my bass is shipping. Once I get it I will post some pictures of it. I am so stoked about it.
Ok, off to read and then bed. It feels so good to be back in the journaling mode. Also I need to post some of my artwork on here as well. I have a few that I am really proud of!
Later Days.
The people next door have their tv on loudly, and people keep slamming their doors. Thankfully I have my iPod and can listen to the great Mark Moore slam some Acts into my brain.
I am about to log off of the computer, woops I mean Mac, and go read his study on Revelations. I am really excited about this book. Hopefully it will get my brain thinking again and allow me to actually be intelligent again. Or maybe I just say that because right now my brain is dead and I am can not think of anything witty to say. Oh well.
On a lighter note, my bass is shipping. Once I get it I will post some pictures of it. I am so stoked about it.
Ok, off to read and then bed. It feels so good to be back in the journaling mode. Also I need to post some of my artwork on here as well. I have a few that I am really proud of!
Later Days.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Finding comfort when the one you want to doesn't provide it
So right now I have this urge, this feeling that ministry is the calling in which God has put upon my heart. Last week at Bible and Beach this became abundantly clear. And with the idea of being a full time missionary as well all things are more confusing. But the clarity of it all is that I am not wanting to be an engineer for the rest of my life. I am looking at going back to school in the summer by taking some online courses and night classes pursuing a degree for high school ministry.
I kind of hinted at this towards my mom today and she wasn't against it but she didn't have any enthusiasm. In fact the words that came out of her mouth were if I could take night classes and then when I told her that I think I am wanting to be a minister or missionary she said that I need to be financially well off. Which I proceeded to tell her that God will provide. I understand that she wants me to be financially stable and I am, but I would love to hear her say, "That is good that you are pursuing something that you have passion for and really want to do." But instead no.
I have done engineering for her, I have given it a try and it is just not for me. I wake up everyday asking myself what am I really doing? My passion is not in engineering. I wish she would understand that I don't care about money. I want to be happy doing what I do for the rest of my life rather than regretting or wondering the "what ifs"
I can't do this for my mom...it has to be for myself and God. And I am going to do this regardless of what my mom says, it would just be nice to have her be happy that I am wanting to do something I would love.
How can I deny this passion that God has put in my heart. I am ready to MOVE.
I kind of hinted at this towards my mom today and she wasn't against it but she didn't have any enthusiasm. In fact the words that came out of her mouth were if I could take night classes and then when I told her that I think I am wanting to be a minister or missionary she said that I need to be financially well off. Which I proceeded to tell her that God will provide. I understand that she wants me to be financially stable and I am, but I would love to hear her say, "That is good that you are pursuing something that you have passion for and really want to do." But instead no.
I have done engineering for her, I have given it a try and it is just not for me. I wake up everyday asking myself what am I really doing? My passion is not in engineering. I wish she would understand that I don't care about money. I want to be happy doing what I do for the rest of my life rather than regretting or wondering the "what ifs"
I can't do this for my mom...it has to be for myself and God. And I am going to do this regardless of what my mom says, it would just be nice to have her be happy that I am wanting to do something I would love.
How can I deny this passion that God has put in my heart. I am ready to MOVE.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
So this past week was Bible and Beach. Wow what an amazing time to spend time in Florida on Spring Break with high schoolers. It was so neat to go to a place where people go to get wasted and have a "good time". And here are 400 kiddos who have a heart burning for God, who wish to live out the gospel and to MOVE in their community.
CIY put on the event for this week. Jayson French was just an amazing guy to get to know along with their staff and volunteers. And then there was Mark Moore. Man how that guy can lay down the gospel. I love that he stuck through the entire book of Acts. It was just cool to hear him talk and to just teach. Steve Fee did a good job worshiping as well, but to say that all this made the experience of Bible and Beach would be a lie.
What made Bible and Beach? The awesome guys and girls that I got to meet and know and to see their walk with God. To see the guys who came up to me saying how much they appreciated me. To see the people who decided to proclaim Jesus as their Savior! Blessed are these souls who know. Another great aspect of the week was the community and family that was being built. The hearts that were comforted. But the best part of it all...my room of guys. They were solid. They were so awesome, so real, and so fun. And they just amazed me.
It's funny how you can go into an event as a leader and be taught so much. Through all this I have realized that there is no other place that I would rather be than in the ministry field. I don't really know how God is going to MOVE me into this position but I just know in my heart that this is where I need to be. The passion for ministry has always been in my heart, but never has it been more clear that I need to be making some impact on people. I've known that my Kingdom purpose is much greater than Engineering...and it's such a big step to take. It's out of my comfort zone. It's way out of the ordinary for me. I understand that the call to ministry is few and is hard. But I know deep down that if I didn't pursue this that I will regret it. My heart burns too much for others, for the call to make a difference in someone's life. I know that this is the right thing to do, and that in any way the devil can try and make me doubt and give me many reasons to not try and do this but it's the grace and strength of God that will get me through this. Why else would He put such a burning passion in my heart for this?
CIY put on the event for this week. Jayson French was just an amazing guy to get to know along with their staff and volunteers. And then there was Mark Moore. Man how that guy can lay down the gospel. I love that he stuck through the entire book of Acts. It was just cool to hear him talk and to just teach. Steve Fee did a good job worshiping as well, but to say that all this made the experience of Bible and Beach would be a lie.
What made Bible and Beach? The awesome guys and girls that I got to meet and know and to see their walk with God. To see the guys who came up to me saying how much they appreciated me. To see the people who decided to proclaim Jesus as their Savior! Blessed are these souls who know. Another great aspect of the week was the community and family that was being built. The hearts that were comforted. But the best part of it all...my room of guys. They were solid. They were so awesome, so real, and so fun. And they just amazed me.
It's funny how you can go into an event as a leader and be taught so much. Through all this I have realized that there is no other place that I would rather be than in the ministry field. I don't really know how God is going to MOVE me into this position but I just know in my heart that this is where I need to be. The passion for ministry has always been in my heart, but never has it been more clear that I need to be making some impact on people. I've known that my Kingdom purpose is much greater than Engineering...and it's such a big step to take. It's out of my comfort zone. It's way out of the ordinary for me. I understand that the call to ministry is few and is hard. But I know deep down that if I didn't pursue this that I will regret it. My heart burns too much for others, for the call to make a difference in someone's life. I know that this is the right thing to do, and that in any way the devil can try and make me doubt and give me many reasons to not try and do this but it's the grace and strength of God that will get me through this. Why else would He put such a burning passion in my heart for this?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
