Father's Day...

So it seems like whenever Father's Day comes around I feel this emptiness come over me. It's not a sorrow or sadness, but I think the best way to describe it is a void. It's like something there is missing. And I think that thing is the actual physicality of knowing what a dad is like.

Now I know that I have a Father in heaven, and I believe totally with my heart that He has filled this void in my heart, but there is something missing that I can not explain. To refer to God as my Father is one thing, but to know how a father feels, how a father interacts, how a father comforts is a different feeling in which I have not experienced physically. Spiritually I feel it, physically I don't.

I don't know what it feels like to have that strong pat on the back when something was done right, or to have the scornful/deep voice to correct me when I was wrong. I don't know what it is like to be embraced with strong arms and to burrow my head in a broad shoulder when times were difficult and sadness overcame my world. I don't know what it is like to go fishing, or camping or throw the baseball or play basketball with a father. I don't know any of these things because I have never experienced them.

And growing up with a single mother, I would not change it for the world. It has made me the man that I am today, but when this holiday comes around it's a void that just yearns for those things. I know that my Father in heaven is there for me and will continually show me those things, but in the times when a physical touch is needed, it cannot be found.

Sometimes I want to have a pity party for myself....but what good does that do for anyone. Just suck it up and deal with it, that is what I tell myself. And yeah it sucks, but when I get to become the father I dream of, I will know the things that my children need from a dad...at least I hope that I do.

Hi....I'm the nice guy

So I hear it time and time again. I don't necessarily find it a problem. I mean if it really was a problem I would change it. But it's always the same thing. "Oh...you are so nice, but I would be a bad influence on you." Or.. "you are such an awesome guy but..." and it's quite frankly annoying. Is it because I go for the bad girls? I don't think so, I have found some very awesome people...even great friends, but what the heck?!?! Since when was it their decision to make that decision for me.

I guess I shouldn't be going too much into a rant right now because I think I might have found someone who is awesome like that and might not give me that excuse. At least I hope not. But maybe I am counting my blessings too fast. I don't know. The fact that I hear it so often is what makes me turn away from even trying to date. And that just gets me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. So the question is, do I drop this near egotistical behavior, humble myself, take in the nice guy that I am, and just keep trying regardless of the many times I get let down or disgusted with it? Yeah I think I just drop it...being nice has gotten me places as well. I can't complain. The right one will come, maybe she is the right one....who knows. Only time and patience can tell.