I don't know why...

I don't know why...really I don't.

It has been a long time since a blog.
For some reason I feel like typing one.

Why? I don't know.

I have a lot on my mind. I feel like Satan is doing the very thing that he did in the Garden of Eden. Asking questions that twist the truth of God, or in my case, twisting the truth of what God has spoken to me and making me think irrationally. What are these irrational thoughts for? Why is it that Satan decides to take these and make you really question the very things that God has set in your heart.

I know that God has knit each and everyone of us together with the sole intent to glorify Him. What that intent is can only be revealed by our passions, our virtues and longings. The way that we act, the way that we pursue and the way that we handle situations is all determined long before we were born. The reason why one person acts rationally and another logically is all due to the glorification of God. Does that mean that one is right over the other? Absolutely not. But this is the part where Satan really kicks in his game of questioning. The game of let's compare why one person does something one way and you do it another way. Or you think one way and the other person or persons think another way. Or this person or these people are doing these amazing things, why aren't you doing that?!?! All these things that Satan feeds you, cause the terrible fall of faith. Instead, we KNOW that God has made us for a reason. And maybe that reason is not to do what other people are doing but to do exactly the opposite.

Oh how Satan is so good at playing this game. And how inadequate we are to play with him. But there is one who plays his game and wins all the time. Jesus. So why is it that the minute Satan starts to play, we decide that we can maybe last a few minutes, hours, days, months, years with Satan before "tagging" in Jesus? (here I go again with wrestling analogies; I feel like this is just so typical of the time since back from Poland) If Jesus is the one who wins, even by dying on a cross, why do we continue to play this game. It's not our game to play. If there is any game to play it is with Jesus. It's like the staring game. Let's see who can break away from the gaze first. The sad thing is that we lose every time. And yet we can play the staring game with Satan much easier.

Does it have to do with our thirst and hunger? What is that we truly crave? Success? Acceptance? Love? Money? Hope? Righteousness? Justice? Peace? Tranquility? Knowledge? Ambition? Passion? Healing? Comfort? Honor? Dignity? Respect?

Truth of the matter is that these don't matter. These are of the world. These are the physical things of which we are told to desire, to crave, to hunger and thirst for. Children in poor countries and cities crave for food, until one day it becomes normal to them to not have food. Then what do they crave? The same goes with these things. We can crave these physical things and all of a sudden out of nowhere no longer crave them. All because we just don't know what they are anymore. For those who have given up hope on those things they are all but lost. And when they are standing in front of them, the desire has then been replaced with hatred and shame because it is no longer the affection of their eye.

And this is God. He wants us to crave him and to thirst for Him. But what happens is that we don't because we get blinded with the physical. OH that I was like David. That Psalm 42 would be the true outpouring of my heart and my longing and desires. That I would cry out to God, that I would crave Him like the deer thirsts the flowing stream. That is the craving I desire. That is my heart. That is my longing.

Satan, you can have the world, I want that which is God. For He is perfect. He is filling and satisfying. He knows the right amount and he knows exactly when. He is everlasting and more. I have stopped playing this game. I am out of the ring. I am staring in the face of the one who KNOWS me.

The End of the New Years Resolution

Over the past few days I have been really thinking about the intentions behind the New Year's Resolution. I have been wondering why it is that year after year we decide to make a resolution in the first place. More times that naught, the resolution itself is nothing more than a way to better one's self. The resolution is nothing more than to feed yourself some goal to better yourself by the end of the year. But what usually happens is that this resolution is rarely completed, or is not up to what you had originally intended. And so by the turn of the next year, the new resolution is the same resolution from the past.

Now I know that I am categorizing a lot of people, including myself. And I am sure that some people stay true to their resolution. But I wonder, does the resolution mean that you are privy to hold true to it for that year, or is it something that once started should proceed through your life. Are the resolutions meant to be a year thing or a life thing?

I look at the years past, and how some times I find the resolution that I once told myself I would do, was very ill informed and not really the best thing for me at the time. Instead of having a resolution for this year, I am going to have a resolution to make no resolution. Instead I am going to treat each day as a blessing, knowing that I need to make the best of it each day. Will I achieve that every day, probably not. But maybe by focusing on the day and the things I can do at the current time, I can make better the time I spend and the effort I put forth. Thus in the end of the day, I can evaluate and adjust for the next day. Rather than waiting for the end of the year to examine and adjust I do it every day.

I keep thinking of how God works in the lives of everyone. One of the things I keep encountering in the Bible is that God goes before people, laying the way. Each day during the Exodus, the Isrealites woke up and looked upon God to guide and lead them. This wasn't something that they saw the end of the road, or the x on the map, but instead it was a daily exercise of submitting and following God. I want my life to look like that. A daily exercise of submission and following. Perhaps this year, in a year of no resolution, can be the year that I experience God far more that ever.

Looking back at last year there was so much that God taught me. From submitting to His calling he allowed me to release some anger and hurt that has been built up for so long. He also gave me a once in a lifetime chance to spend the entire summer in Poland. God is not a God who hides himself, but instead He chooses to reveal Himself to us in the time that He chooses. May my eyes be open for the works, words and wonders that He pours forth on us. May he be the one who is glorified and lifted higher. May He be the one, the only one, who is given the credit.