I don't know why...

I don't know why...really I don't.

It has been a long time since a blog.
For some reason I feel like typing one.

Why? I don't know.

I have a lot on my mind. I feel like Satan is doing the very thing that he did in the Garden of Eden. Asking questions that twist the truth of God, or in my case, twisting the truth of what God has spoken to me and making me think irrationally. What are these irrational thoughts for? Why is it that Satan decides to take these and make you really question the very things that God has set in your heart.

I know that God has knit each and everyone of us together with the sole intent to glorify Him. What that intent is can only be revealed by our passions, our virtues and longings. The way that we act, the way that we pursue and the way that we handle situations is all determined long before we were born. The reason why one person acts rationally and another logically is all due to the glorification of God. Does that mean that one is right over the other? Absolutely not. But this is the part where Satan really kicks in his game of questioning. The game of let's compare why one person does something one way and you do it another way. Or you think one way and the other person or persons think another way. Or this person or these people are doing these amazing things, why aren't you doing that?!?! All these things that Satan feeds you, cause the terrible fall of faith. Instead, we KNOW that God has made us for a reason. And maybe that reason is not to do what other people are doing but to do exactly the opposite.

Oh how Satan is so good at playing this game. And how inadequate we are to play with him. But there is one who plays his game and wins all the time. Jesus. So why is it that the minute Satan starts to play, we decide that we can maybe last a few minutes, hours, days, months, years with Satan before "tagging" in Jesus? (here I go again with wrestling analogies; I feel like this is just so typical of the time since back from Poland) If Jesus is the one who wins, even by dying on a cross, why do we continue to play this game. It's not our game to play. If there is any game to play it is with Jesus. It's like the staring game. Let's see who can break away from the gaze first. The sad thing is that we lose every time. And yet we can play the staring game with Satan much easier.

Does it have to do with our thirst and hunger? What is that we truly crave? Success? Acceptance? Love? Money? Hope? Righteousness? Justice? Peace? Tranquility? Knowledge? Ambition? Passion? Healing? Comfort? Honor? Dignity? Respect?

Truth of the matter is that these don't matter. These are of the world. These are the physical things of which we are told to desire, to crave, to hunger and thirst for. Children in poor countries and cities crave for food, until one day it becomes normal to them to not have food. Then what do they crave? The same goes with these things. We can crave these physical things and all of a sudden out of nowhere no longer crave them. All because we just don't know what they are anymore. For those who have given up hope on those things they are all but lost. And when they are standing in front of them, the desire has then been replaced with hatred and shame because it is no longer the affection of their eye.

And this is God. He wants us to crave him and to thirst for Him. But what happens is that we don't because we get blinded with the physical. OH that I was like David. That Psalm 42 would be the true outpouring of my heart and my longing and desires. That I would cry out to God, that I would crave Him like the deer thirsts the flowing stream. That is the craving I desire. That is my heart. That is my longing.

Satan, you can have the world, I want that which is God. For He is perfect. He is filling and satisfying. He knows the right amount and he knows exactly when. He is everlasting and more. I have stopped playing this game. I am out of the ring. I am staring in the face of the one who KNOWS me.